What Is the Pursuit of Happiness?
It can feel stifling in a society that continually drives us towards pleasure and self-improvement. Parents, social media, and our imaginations provide constant appeal to be happier and construct a better life from many angles. This pressure can turn life into an overwhelming set of expectations that causes us to ignore a crucial reality: “There are times when life feels tough, painful, and overwhelming.”
How Can We Understand the Complexity of Emotions?
Life occasionally tosses curveballs that are unannounced. We may suffer even during happy events; it is not only during difficult moments that we feel down. For example, we can expect happiness after moving in with a spouse but instead experience a scared, suffocating feeling. “Or when you have just had a much-desired baby and you are completely tired instead of the expected delight,” These emotions emphasise that our situation determines how often we experience happiness; it is not a constant.
Telling ourselves to be cheerful during these times becomes draining and nasty. It can be like self-gaslighting, in which we suppress our impulses in trying to fit an ideal. Recognizing emotions of disappointment, anger, or hopelessness is vital and a “gift to yourself to acknowledge this.” A more rich life starts with accepting our emotional truth.
What Is the Power of Therapy?
As a therapist, I have seen firsthand how remarkably capable my patients are regarding development and healing. Many have experienced trauma, neglect, and abuse yet have found means to lead better lives for their family and themselves. Usually, this progress starts with a sincere recognition of their emotions and experiences. “Unless backed up by a relentless emotional honesty about what you are feeling and thinking, including when things feel bad and difficult, the drive to build a better life can risk re-creating the same one you have always known, only worse.”
People must be aware of the facets of themselves that find solace in either neglect or abuse. I invite my patients to see their actual selves and work through their difficulties by offering a safe place for exploration and honesty. Breaking out from cycles of pain requires this process of self-discovery and acceptance.
How Can We Find Meaning in Vulnerability?
“What I value so much about my analyst is that when I talk to her about some ugly part of myself that is feeling something horrible that I do not like, she doesn’t reassure me or tell me not to worry,” a friend of mine who is also in psychoanalysis said. She takes it seriously; she sees it as a natural experience of humans. This method creates an environment where challenging emotions can be investigated without judgement, promoting actual development and understanding.
What Does the Iceberg of Our Emotions Represent?
When considering our challenges, I frequently think of a news report I came upon on A23a, the most enormous iceberg on Earth. Unable to escape, spinning in circles, it is stuck in a strong vortex below the sea. “At times, we may all find ourselves caught, stuck, held in place by unconscious forces we cannot see but which nevertheless seem to control our destiny,” the image says rather dramatically.
Unlike icebergs, we can reflect, think, and feel about our circumstances. We can recover our agency by realising the unconscious forces dragging us back and honouring our emotions. This road starts with the straightforward but significant insight that “sometimes you feel bad, and that’s the truth.”
How Can We Embrace the Full Spectrum of Our Emotions?
Not only is embracing the whole range of our emotions—including the challenging ones—liberating, but it is also necessary for personal development. We create the foundation for a richer, more honest, and finally more meaningful life when we recognize our experiences’ complexity. The first step towards making the life we want is realising it’s okay to feel bad.
Add a Comment